A Return?

I'm back from real life, and I'm looking forward to telling you nice people about all the great stuff that you're missing while you drive to go see a Mike Myers movie. I'm going to try to mix in some lighthearted movies with all the gloomy ones I usually review to attract a wider crowd. (Which would be good, because I know of one person who reads this blog, and she isn't enough to get it off the ground. But she's a good reader, let me tell you.)

Other than movies, I'll look at interesting books and music that you should look at. Sometimes my own tastes get in the way, but I'm usually right when it comes to these sort of things, so you can trust me.

Look forward to a review in the near future. I'll try to enrich your life as much as I can. And after a few reviews, I'll be opening up an index on a different site if you're interested in looking up my opinion of a movie. Which would be surprising.

Enjoy my insight and provide some of your own. All opinions are welcome, and I might even share them on a post if they're interesting enough.

So, I'm back. Hopefully for a while.

The Amazing Transparent Man (1960)

Directed by Edgar G. Ulmer. Starring Douglas Kennedy, James Griffith, Marquerite Chapman, and Ivan Triesault. USA, Black & White, 57 minutes.


Maj. Paul Krenner (James Griffith) breaks Joey Faust (Douglas Kennedy), master locksmith and safecracker, in hopes to turn him invisible with the help of Dr. Peter Ulof (Ivan Triesault) so he can use him to steal dangerous chemicals he plans to use to create and unstoppable army of invisible soldiers! Oh my word! Naturally, Faust doesn't respond well to this plan, and decides to use his recently-found power to rob banks all over the country! So the only good guy to root for here is the unwilling Dr. Ulof, who Krenner has been using against his will to perform these experiments to serve his ultimate, insane purpose - Taking Over the World!


It sounds riveting, but at a running time of 57 minutes, this Ulmer feature has to cram the entire story, action and special effects into an already poorly written script. And, wait . . . isn't this just a rehash of The Invisible Man but with no real hero to root for? You're damn right it is! And what a boring rehash it is.



Kennedy actually gives a very good performance as a man forced to steal against his will, and steals every scene he's in. But he plays a large part of the film as a voice-over for an invisible man. And the silliness gets extreme when the other actors have to interact with him. When invisible Kennedy hits someone, they make a face and fall to the floor. When he speaks to them, they speak directly into the camera with googly eyes. It's these scenes which make the film such a poor mishmash of science fiction and crime drama; Both genres don't fit well with each other here.

And the other performances stink, really. Marquerite Chapman is as exciting as a block of wood and James Griffith kind of reminded me of Mr. Rogers. I half expected him to change his shoes and ask me if I could be his neighbor.

The direction and cinematography, however, are top notch for a B-movie such as this one. Most of the special effects are pretty convincing, too. If only the other aspects of the film were half as good.

The Basement Says: The Amazing Transparent Man isn't so amazing after all. I wish I had some of that invisibility stuff, though. That stuff was kickin'.

Here are some exciting screenshots. Click for a larger view.

She Gods of Shark Reef (1958)

Directed by Roger Corman. Starring Bill Cord, Don Durant, Lisa Montell, and Jeanne Gerson. USA, Color, 63 minutes.

Two brothers, Chris and Jim (Bill Cord, Don Durant), shipwreck on an island inhabited entirely by women who worship an Easter Island-type head on the ocean floor, in the nearby "Shark Reef". They also give regular virgin sacrifices to a shark they named "Mootoobloo" (that's what it sounded like). So, basically, they're all a little crazy, especially controlling Queen Pua (Jeanne Gerson). When Chris falls in love with beautiful "She God" Mahia (Lisa Montell), Pua is angered, and tries to chase the two brothers off the island and sacrifice Mahia to the shark. Naturally, these things don't happen, evil Jim dies, and Chris and Mahia live happily ever after.

As much as I like Roger Corman and his films, this one is another obvious attempt to get two movies filmed for the price of one, along with Naked Paradise. Both of these films were shot in beautiful Hawaii for about 3 bucks and used many of the same actors. And both were probably finished in about a week. So it's no surprise that She Gods reeked.

The Hero and His Girl.

The first half of the film is actually promising. Jim and Chris find the island of women strange, and learn many of their customs through trial and error. Even Mahia and Chris' relationship was cute and mostly believable. It's when Jim and Chris attempt to escape the island that the film becomes an amazing bore.

Corman had a great location, but no attention at all was given to continuity or plausibility. Most of the performances, especially Gerson's, were wooden and sometimes pretty awful. And, hey, where were the She Gods? The women in the film were all ordinary pearl divers, and a few of them were quite old and overweight. Not at all what I was expecting - I mean, look at that great poster!

By the end of the film, nothing has really happened. The hero and his girl were pretty much still in danger, even though they had successfully left the island. It seems that Corman ran out of film while the camera was running, and this is the ending we got. I thought the film was only half over and it just died on me. What a friggin' gyp!

The Basement Says: The "She Gods" turned out to be a number of older women wearing one-piece bathing suits, and the hero of the film is a pasty-faced pushover. An hour would be better spent diddling yourself with a broom handle.

The Bad Guy.

Cellular (2004)

Directed by David R. Ellis. Starring Chris Evans, Jason Stathom, Kim Basinger, and William H. Macy. USA/Germany, Color, 94 minutes.

When a fast-talking kid (Chris Evans) receives a call on his cell phone from a kidnapped woman (Kim Basinger), he starts on a wild, non-stop adventure to save her life that involves dirty cops (Jason Statham), clean cops (William H. Macy), and 2 stolen cars.

Just a quick one this time . . . Cellular is a teenybopper movie that defies logic and makes giant, obvious stabs at humor while trying to keep a grip on a good story by Larry Cohen. Kim Basinger gives a very wooden performance as a kidnapped woman whose family is in danger - it seems like she did as little as possible to pass for a (old) damsel in distress. The entire thing is predictable and very uneven, especially when Chris Evans is "humorously" breaking the law to save this woman. And there are big, giant, boring lulls in the action, which is a big no-no in the action movie business. And, man, is this movie silly . . .

BUT, despite all these things, the movie is extremely action-packed and it mostly keeps the tension high. All of the performances, besides Basinger's, are above average, and there isn't some huge, stupid twist at the end to mar it any further.

It's a completely mindless ride, and comes off as shoddy when you think about it too much, but it delivers on its promise of action, which should be enough for any casual film fan. I didn't like it, but you might.

Moon of the Wolf (1972)

Directed by Daniel Petrie. Starring David Janssen, Barbara Rush, Bradford Dillman, and Geoffrey Lewis. USA, Color, 75 minutes.

When several members of a small town are found murdered, Sheriff Aaron Whitaker (Janssen) and old crush Louise (Rush) investigate a case that gets stranger with each passing hour. When an old dying man displays panic and mentions werewolves, the list of suspects is understandably narrowed down quite a bit. And when said werewolf goes after Louise, Sheriff Whitaker only has one (gun)shot to save her life!

Moon of the Wolf is a obviously made-for-TV that manages to create real suspense and offers a slightly different take on the typical werewolf story. But that doesn't mean it's not riddled with cliches and very predictable - It just means that it generates enough interest to keep you awake for an hour.

Werewolf Sleuthing.

David Janssen, former star of TV's "The Fugitive", gives a strong performance here as the town Sheriff, making an instantly likable character. Barbara Rush gives an equally good performance as the very pretty Louise, this movie's talkative damsel in distress. Geoffrey Lewis, who gives a funny over-the-top performance as the first victim's brother, is currently appearing in many television series as memorable one-episode characters. There's not one slacker in the cast, and this helps keep the plot interesting.

In fact, the movie is pretty interesting up to the final scenes, where the werewolf make-up is shown, and the movie loses its seriousness. And it got even more embarrassing when I saw that the make-up man had my name . . .

Moon of the Wolf is a short but well-made film that combines old-fashioned scares with a good mystery. I knew who the werewolf was the first time I saw the guy on screen, but maybe it can fool you - Pop some corn and check this one out.

Why me? Why not some other name?

Planet Terror (2007)

Directed by Robert Rodriguez. Starring Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, and Marley Shelton. USA, Color, 105 minutes.

When a chemical bio-weapon is released in the United States, its up to a small group of survivors to wipe out the resulting killer mutant zombie population.

As the first half of Grindhouse (the second being Death Proof), Planet Terror is one hell of a way to start a double feature. It's the most exciting, and one of the funniest, movies to come out in theaters for a long, long time. While Death Proof makes a more serious effort to be a grindhouse b-movie, Planet Terror spoofs and makes homage toward the grindhouse genre. At every dramatic pause, a joke is made. The lead has a gun for a leg. Bruce Willis explodes. It goes over the top and then some, and comes out as a deleriously fun ride.

The cast is definitely an ensemble, with Rose McGowan making a stellar performance as a one-legged former go-go dancer, Freddy Rodriguez kicking zombie ass and delivering non-stop one-liners, Josh Brolin as a mysterious doctor in a troubled marriage, and Marley Shelton as the other half of that marriage who is running from both the zombies and her husband. Michael Biehn plays a Sherrif, Bruce Willis plays a leutenant, Naveen Andrews plays a scientist, Stacy Ferguson (Fergie) plays a stranger with car trouble, and many other recognizable faces fill up the lesser characters in the cast. Tom Savini, gore FX master, shows up as a bumbling gun-toting cop! There's not one bad performance . . . even Quentin Tarantino, who plays "Rapist #1" is convincing. And that's a movie miracle.

It's done in the style of John Carpenter, a legendary action/sci-fi director, and snippets of his recognizable score for Escape From New York can be heard on the soundtrack. It sometimes feels like an even more insane version of Big Trouble in Little China, actually.

And if you still aren't convinced that it's a smashing success, watch the international trailer, which can be found floating around on the Internet. It's all the convincing you'll need.

28 Days Later . . . (2002)

Directed by Danny Boyle. Starring Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Brendan Gleeson, and Megan Burns. UK, Color, 113 minutes.

28 Days after a virus hit the world, three survivors try to survive in the empty streets of London, England. After one of their lot is killed, they decide to throw away that idea and, after meeting two more non-infected pals, proceed to a makeshift military base, where the women are used as sex objects and Jim (Cillian Murphy) barely escaped execution. Oh, and there are a bunch of zombies running around and killing people.

As a drama and a horror flick, 28 Days Later . . . succeeds where other films haven't. I'm sure everyone's heard why and how and have seen the movie 8 times, so I'm gonna keep this one short and to the point.

It's scary. It's visionary. It's damn good. It makes American horror look worse than it already does.

If your thick head can wrap itself around a slow-paced film that has more of a plot than Dude, Where's My Car?, then you'll love this contemporary take on the classic zombie movie.

Basement Awards 2007

Happy New Year from The Video Basement!

2007 has passed, and 2008 is here, and I'm ready for some great new movies like Iron Man and Cloverfield to come to a town near me . . . but I doubt any future year will be packed with as many great films as 2007 was. I mean Zodiac, No Country for Old Men, Michael Clayton, Knocked Up, and Superbad all in the same fugging year? They should have spread the releases out over a few years, dammit.

Since this blog was started in December of 2007, there aren't many movies to choose from for the "Best of 2007" list. This may seem like a bad thing, but actually, it makes this a whole thing a lot easier. By the way, these aren't the best films to come out in theaters, these are the best films to come out of the Basement. Just to clear that up.

First, the nominations (winner in red type) for best Actor . . .

Kurt Russell in Death Proof

Kurt Russell in The Thing

Christopher Walken in The Dead Zone

The nominations and winner for Best Actress are . . .

Brooke Adams in The Dead Zone

Zoe Bell in Death Proof

Grace Kelly in Rear Window

Now we move on to the worst films of December 2007 (and all of 2007). I have to get these out of the way before we look at the quality films . . .

3 - The Incredible Petrified World - Almost a complete waste of time. All this movie gives you is John Carradine's voice stuck in your head.

2 - Terror - An absolute dismal and dreary film. The script is bad, the direction is dull, and the finale is even worse.

1 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - Santa is not funny. And neither is his fat wife. This whole thing makes me sick.

And the best films of 2007 are . . .

3 - The Hills Have Eyes - A big surprise from Wes Craven. I've heard mixed reviews about this one, but I shit you not - this movie is scary.

2 - The Thing - Kurt Russell in one of his most ass-kicking moments of all time, and a batch of special effects that are above and beyond anything CGI ever did. And all under the direction of John Carpenter. Awesome.

1 - Rear Window - It's just the obvious choice. And it's the classiest film here, which automatically gets it the #1 spot. I mean B-Movies are great, but they sadly cannot compare to Hitchcock.

In closing, check out Malone. That would win the "Kicked Everyone's Ass" award.

Queen of the Amazons (1947)

Directed by Edward Finney. Starring Patricia Morison, Robert Lowery, Amira Moustafa, and J. Edward Bromberg. USA, Black & White, 61 minutes.

If only Africa was half as cool as it was in this movie - Half-dressed Amazon babes, miles of empty plain, obedient pet monkeys . . . I would give anything to live in this movie.

When Jean's (Morison) hubby Wayne (Keith Richards! . . .) goes missing on a jungle safari, she drags a company of men along to look for him in the African jungle. When she hears about the legend of the Amazon Women from an African native, she believes it, but the men scoff at the idea. Little to they expect to find the Amazon Queen and her um . . . co-queens hanging out with Wayne in the middle of the jungle. Will Jean get her boyfriend back, or is she under the Amazon Queen's spell?

I don't think that's the Keith Richards starring as Wayne, but he is old enough . . . But back on topic.

This movie seriously rocked. The first half was slow but unintentionally funny, and the last half was lively and exciting. The twist at the end was absolutely hilarious, and almost had me in stitches. Just remember back to Raiders of the Lost Ark . . . people with monkeys may look innocent enough, but they're evil.

The performances all were great - Patricia Morison stood out as a beautiful and terrific actress, easily outdoing any of the male actors. J. Edward Bromberg did the best he could with awful dialogue, and came out looking pretty menacing, as did Amira Moustafa (at times). They all looked like they were having a wonderful time, and that's what acting is all about, isn't it?

More fun than a barrel of sex, Queen of the Amazons leaves you with an air of wonder, excitement, and laughter (however unintended). The final battle is a memorable one, and so is the excellent plot twist . . . Search for this one in the one dollar racks.

Action! Suspense!

I'd invite her to the Video Basement . . .