Redirect Yourself!

This blog has basically been relocated here.

A Return?

I'm back from real life, and I'm looking forward to telling you nice people about all the great stuff that you're missing while you drive to go see a Mike Myers movie. I'm going to try to mix in some lighthearted movies with all the gloomy ones I usually review to attract a wider crowd. (Which would be good, because I know of one person who reads this blog, and she isn't enough to get it off the ground. But she's a good reader, let me tell you.)

Other than movies, I'll look at interesting books and music that you should look at. Sometimes my own tastes get in the way, but I'm usually right when it comes to these sort of things, so you can trust me.

Look forward to a review in the near future. I'll try to enrich your life as much as I can. And after a few reviews, I'll be opening up an index on a different site if you're interested in looking up my opinion of a movie. Which would be surprising.

Enjoy my insight and provide some of your own. All opinions are welcome, and I might even share them on a post if they're interesting enough.

So, I'm back. Hopefully for a while.

The Amazing Transparent Man (1960)

Directed by Edgar G. Ulmer. Starring Douglas Kennedy, James Griffith, Marquerite Chapman, and Ivan Triesault. USA, Black & White, 57 minutes.


Maj. Paul Krenner (James Griffith) breaks Joey Faust (Douglas Kennedy), master locksmith and safecracker, in hopes to turn him invisible with the help of Dr. Peter Ulof (Ivan Triesault) so he can use him to steal dangerous chemicals he plans to use to create and unstoppable army of invisible soldiers! Oh my word! Naturally, Faust doesn't respond well to this plan, and decides to use his recently-found power to rob banks all over the country! So the only good guy to root for here is the unwilling Dr. Ulof, who Krenner has been using against his will to perform these experiments to serve his ultimate, insane purpose - Taking Over the World!


It sounds riveting, but at a running time of 57 minutes, this Ulmer feature has to cram the entire story, action and special effects into an already poorly written script. And, wait . . . isn't this just a rehash of The Invisible Man but with no real hero to root for? You're damn right it is! And what a boring rehash it is.



Kennedy actually gives a very good performance as a man forced to steal against his will, and steals every scene he's in. But he plays a large part of the film as a voice-over for an invisible man. And the silliness gets extreme when the other actors have to interact with him. When invisible Kennedy hits someone, they make a face and fall to the floor. When he speaks to them, they speak directly into the camera with googly eyes. It's these scenes which make the film such a poor mishmash of science fiction and crime drama; Both genres don't fit well with each other here.

And the other performances stink, really. Marquerite Chapman is as exciting as a block of wood and James Griffith kind of reminded me of Mr. Rogers. I half expected him to change his shoes and ask me if I could be his neighbor.

The direction and cinematography, however, are top notch for a B-movie such as this one. Most of the special effects are pretty convincing, too. If only the other aspects of the film were half as good.

The Basement Says: The Amazing Transparent Man isn't so amazing after all. I wish I had some of that invisibility stuff, though. That stuff was kickin'.

Here are some exciting screenshots. Click for a larger view.

She Gods of Shark Reef (1958)

Directed by Roger Corman. Starring Bill Cord, Don Durant, Lisa Montell, and Jeanne Gerson. USA, Color, 63 minutes.

Two brothers, Chris and Jim (Bill Cord, Don Durant), shipwreck on an island inhabited entirely by women who worship an Easter Island-type head on the ocean floor, in the nearby "Shark Reef". They also give regular virgin sacrifices to a shark they named "Mootoobloo" (that's what it sounded like). So, basically, they're all a little crazy, especially controlling Queen Pua (Jeanne Gerson). When Chris falls in love with beautiful "She God" Mahia (Lisa Montell), Pua is angered, and tries to chase the two brothers off the island and sacrifice Mahia to the shark. Naturally, these things don't happen, evil Jim dies, and Chris and Mahia live happily ever after.

As much as I like Roger Corman and his films, this one is another obvious attempt to get two movies filmed for the price of one, along with Naked Paradise. Both of these films were shot in beautiful Hawaii for about 3 bucks and used many of the same actors. And both were probably finished in about a week. So it's no surprise that She Gods reeked.

The Hero and His Girl.

The first half of the film is actually promising. Jim and Chris find the island of women strange, and learn many of their customs through trial and error. Even Mahia and Chris' relationship was cute and mostly believable. It's when Jim and Chris attempt to escape the island that the film becomes an amazing bore.

Corman had a great location, but no attention at all was given to continuity or plausibility. Most of the performances, especially Gerson's, were wooden and sometimes pretty awful. And, hey, where were the She Gods? The women in the film were all ordinary pearl divers, and a few of them were quite old and overweight. Not at all what I was expecting - I mean, look at that great poster!

By the end of the film, nothing has really happened. The hero and his girl were pretty much still in danger, even though they had successfully left the island. It seems that Corman ran out of film while the camera was running, and this is the ending we got. I thought the film was only half over and it just died on me. What a friggin' gyp!

The Basement Says: The "She Gods" turned out to be a number of older women wearing one-piece bathing suits, and the hero of the film is a pasty-faced pushover. An hour would be better spent diddling yourself with a broom handle.

The Bad Guy.

Cellular (2004)

Directed by David R. Ellis. Starring Chris Evans, Jason Stathom, Kim Basinger, and William H. Macy. USA/Germany, Color, 94 minutes.

When a fast-talking kid (Chris Evans) receives a call on his cell phone from a kidnapped woman (Kim Basinger), he starts on a wild, non-stop adventure to save her life that involves dirty cops (Jason Statham), clean cops (William H. Macy), and 2 stolen cars.

Just a quick one this time . . . Cellular is a teenybopper movie that defies logic and makes giant, obvious stabs at humor while trying to keep a grip on a good story by Larry Cohen. Kim Basinger gives a very wooden performance as a kidnapped woman whose family is in danger - it seems like she did as little as possible to pass for a (old) damsel in distress. The entire thing is predictable and very uneven, especially when Chris Evans is "humorously" breaking the law to save this woman. And there are big, giant, boring lulls in the action, which is a big no-no in the action movie business. And, man, is this movie silly . . .

BUT, despite all these things, the movie is extremely action-packed and it mostly keeps the tension high. All of the performances, besides Basinger's, are above average, and there isn't some huge, stupid twist at the end to mar it any further.

It's a completely mindless ride, and comes off as shoddy when you think about it too much, but it delivers on its promise of action, which should be enough for any casual film fan. I didn't like it, but you might.